Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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