hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
