walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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