when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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