he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
