Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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