a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
