Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
