discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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