quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
