you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
