do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
