Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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