well you can't waste a boner
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
