hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
