that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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