yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
