If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
