what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
