too bad you live with your parents still
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
