I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
