Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
