we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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