is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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