So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
