he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
