He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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