She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
