just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
