why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
