Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
