Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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