now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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