i wish starbucks made bloody marys
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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