he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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