We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
