I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
