1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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