i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
