I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
