the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can I color on your dick again?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
