So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
