So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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