i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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