So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
