Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
