i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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