someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
