then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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