Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
